she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
