Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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