I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
