see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
