My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want nice things and good sex
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
