Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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