I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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