you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
