when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
