Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
