Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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