i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
