that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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