i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
