Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
