my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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