I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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