JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
