Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
