I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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