I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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