He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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