i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
