forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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