So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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