I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Alive.
So much puke
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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