I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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