shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
