i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
