i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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