i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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