Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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