im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
