They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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