Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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