Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
