Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
