Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
