i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
