you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
