Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
