I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
