those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
