Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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