3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
