I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
