would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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