They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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