you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
