Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
