just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
