i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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