so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
